ATTENTION: WOMEN AND MEN OF EARTH

Well, I have passed my certification exam and am now licensed to perform the following sex positions:

1. The Tyrant
2. Champagne Holiday
3. The Andromache*
4. The Sister Sledge
5. Shadowless Hands*
6. The "Get at Me" Dog
7. The Reverse Caliope
8. Blue Ribbon
9. The Down Escalator
10. The Emperor's Sled*
11. Tesla Coil
12. Night Congress
13. The Eel
14. The Conqueror Worm
15. Reverse Albatross*
16. Golden Apple
17. The Off White
18. Sotto Vocce

Text your request, starred positions are weekday only, thank you.

WHITE PEOPLE FLIP OUT ABOUT PORTABLE COMPUTER

"This changes the face of computing" said area white man.
Apparently the current face of computing opened its computer mouth and delivered a speech about some kind of tablet complete with stylus for digital cuneiformatting.
"I'm holding it in my hands but it is so light I am not sure if I am actually still holding it in my hands!" screamed a white woman, who was indeed holding the tablet. During her brief statement she checked multiple times to make sure she was still holding this marvel of science.
Later some people talked about a television show and a possible war between two rival television shows. Almost imperceptibly an explosion was heard in the distance.

RACES

A DEAD MAN YOU KNOW FROM SOMEWHERE

"And in a dream in a valley of Daghestan
She saw a familiar corpse stretched on the sand;
The steaming wound grew darker in his chest,
And the flowing stream of blood grew cold"

So of course she had seen that dead body around town and knew it well.

But anyway the best Lermontov quote is:
"I am stupidly made... I forget nothing...Nothing!"