I had a thought last night while I was driving home and the roads were totally empty. I had the windows open and it was very cold. It was a half finished thought, and I present it here as such.
Have you ever read a shitty science fiction novel in which they introduce some kind of hypothetical device/thing without explaining what it really is, but it has a name which evokes what it looks like and or does?
Just making shit up, but, for example:
Nutrition cube
Light gun
Hover bike
Crystal city
I had some kind of breakthrough last night wherein I told myself that emotions, and how we name and explain them, works in the same way.
I immediately didn't know what I was talking about but thought I might be on to something.
10.04.2010
CALENDAR DAYS ON WHICH I WILL DIE (PROJECTED)
Feb. 12th
Thousands of Februarys from now in a future where I live tethered to a potted plant. Forced into a compulsory one man focus group I will be beaten to death by my captors when I cannot answer which pair of underwear is whiter. The advertising campaign is a success because of my sacrifice.
Oct. 25th
In an accident on a highway. I am sitting in the front passenger seat. Someone I don't know is driving and someone I know is talking to be from the back.
March 8th
Killed by a two-headed woman in a convenience store bathroom. Domestic dispute. I am married to one of the heads. And living in the bathroom.
Jan. 12th
While on location as a talent scout for a reboot of a never popular children's show, the world ends. The last thing I see is glowing geometric patterns in the sky over the city. Crushed by falling architecture and left out of the final horribleness.
Aug. 7th
Killed by a complicated thought. I imagine a gunfight and am trying to calculate the amount of bullets shot from hypothetical guns, while the gunfight is interrupted by some characters, real and imagined, from my life. After seeing pets and family members torn apart in the fire-fight, my last brave act is to step out and wave my arms for a cease fire. Smugly proud of my own bravery, no matter how late, I die in real life as an old man in a hospital cafeteria face down in a plate of soup.
March 20th
Age 19, drunk driving. My car is found somewhere off of the Blue Ridge Parkway.
Jan. 22nd
While holding a telephone and looking at a cardinal at a bird feeder against a snowy backdrop.
May 3rd
Earthquake. My parents keep the hope that I am alive. Then they see a picture of me from ninth grade and decide to forget me.
Sept. 26th
At night I am choked to death by the cousin of a friend's boyfriend for not knowing the names of certain very important celebrities.
Jun. 15th
Killed by my fiancee in a complicated drinking game.
Dec. 14th
Self inflicted gunshot wound.
My spirit enters one of the following machines:
1. Gas flame which keeps the track switchers unfrozen on a southern freight line
2. Broken crane at an unused dock on the China Sea.
3. Automatic floor polisher at an art museum.
4. Child's toy guitar.
5. Mannequin
6. Random number generator computer used by codebreakers, a video camera with the lens cap on, assigning numbers to the visual noise.
Thousands of Februarys from now in a future where I live tethered to a potted plant. Forced into a compulsory one man focus group I will be beaten to death by my captors when I cannot answer which pair of underwear is whiter. The advertising campaign is a success because of my sacrifice.
Oct. 25th
In an accident on a highway. I am sitting in the front passenger seat. Someone I don't know is driving and someone I know is talking to be from the back.
March 8th
Killed by a two-headed woman in a convenience store bathroom. Domestic dispute. I am married to one of the heads. And living in the bathroom.
Jan. 12th
While on location as a talent scout for a reboot of a never popular children's show, the world ends. The last thing I see is glowing geometric patterns in the sky over the city. Crushed by falling architecture and left out of the final horribleness.
Aug. 7th
Killed by a complicated thought. I imagine a gunfight and am trying to calculate the amount of bullets shot from hypothetical guns, while the gunfight is interrupted by some characters, real and imagined, from my life. After seeing pets and family members torn apart in the fire-fight, my last brave act is to step out and wave my arms for a cease fire. Smugly proud of my own bravery, no matter how late, I die in real life as an old man in a hospital cafeteria face down in a plate of soup.
March 20th
Age 19, drunk driving. My car is found somewhere off of the Blue Ridge Parkway.
Jan. 22nd
While holding a telephone and looking at a cardinal at a bird feeder against a snowy backdrop.
May 3rd
Earthquake. My parents keep the hope that I am alive. Then they see a picture of me from ninth grade and decide to forget me.
Sept. 26th
At night I am choked to death by the cousin of a friend's boyfriend for not knowing the names of certain very important celebrities.
Jun. 15th
Killed by my fiancee in a complicated drinking game.
Dec. 14th
Self inflicted gunshot wound.
My spirit enters one of the following machines:
1. Gas flame which keeps the track switchers unfrozen on a southern freight line
2. Broken crane at an unused dock on the China Sea.
3. Automatic floor polisher at an art museum.
4. Child's toy guitar.
5. Mannequin
6. Random number generator computer used by codebreakers, a video camera with the lens cap on, assigning numbers to the visual noise.
9.16.2010
SANTORUM
"Rick Santorum would very much like to be president. For the past few years, he has been diligently appearing at the sorts of conservative events—the Values Voters Summit, the Conservative Political Action Conference—where aspiring Republican candidates are expected to show up. But before he starts printing "Santorum 2012" bumper stickers, there's one issue the former GOP senator and his strategists need to address. You see, Santorum has what you might call a Google problem. For voters who decide to look him up online, one of the top three search results is usually the site SpreadingSantorum.com, which explains that Santorum's last name is a sexual neologism for "the frothy mixture of lube and fecal matter that is sometimes the byproduct of anal sex."
Santorum's problem got its start back in 2003, when the then-senator from Pennsylvania compared homosexuality to bestiality and pedophilia, saying the "definition of marriage" has never included "man on child, man on dog, or whatever the case may be." The ensuing controversy prompted syndicated sex columnist Dan Savage, who's gay, to start a contest, soliciting reader suggestions for slang terms to "memorialize the scandal." The winner came up with the "frothy mixture" idea, Savage launched a website, and a meme was born. Even though mainstream news outlets would never link to it, Savage's site rose in the Google rankings, thanks in part to bloggers who posted Santorum-related news on the site or linked to it from their blogs. Eventually it eclipsed Santorum's own campaign site in search results; some observers even suggested it may have contributed to Santorum's crushing 18-point defeat in his 2006 campaign against Bob Casey.
Savage says his site hasn't been updated for years, yet it remains entrenched in the Google rankings. Not even Santorum's ascent as a Fox News contributor or his early campaign swings through the key primary states of Iowa and New Hampshire have managed to bury it. With Google results like this, what's an aspiring presidential candidate to do?
I wanted to ask Santorum whether he had a strategy for scrubbing his Web presence, but he didn't return my calls. So instead, I asked a few experts. "This is an unusual problem," says Michael Fertik, CEO of ReputationDefender, which specializes in helping individuals maintain a positive Web presence. "It's devastating. This is one of the more creative and salient Google issues I've ever seen.""
Santorum's problem got its start back in 2003, when the then-senator from Pennsylvania compared homosexuality to bestiality and pedophilia, saying the "definition of marriage" has never included "man on child, man on dog, or whatever the case may be." The ensuing controversy prompted syndicated sex columnist Dan Savage, who's gay, to start a contest, soliciting reader suggestions for slang terms to "memorialize the scandal." The winner came up with the "frothy mixture" idea, Savage launched a website, and a meme was born. Even though mainstream news outlets would never link to it, Savage's site rose in the Google rankings, thanks in part to bloggers who posted Santorum-related news on the site or linked to it from their blogs. Eventually it eclipsed Santorum's own campaign site in search results; some observers even suggested it may have contributed to Santorum's crushing 18-point defeat in his 2006 campaign against Bob Casey.
Savage says his site hasn't been updated for years, yet it remains entrenched in the Google rankings. Not even Santorum's ascent as a Fox News contributor or his early campaign swings through the key primary states of Iowa and New Hampshire have managed to bury it. With Google results like this, what's an aspiring presidential candidate to do?
I wanted to ask Santorum whether he had a strategy for scrubbing his Web presence, but he didn't return my calls. So instead, I asked a few experts. "This is an unusual problem," says Michael Fertik, CEO of ReputationDefender, which specializes in helping individuals maintain a positive Web presence. "It's devastating. This is one of the more creative and salient Google issues I've ever seen.""
9.11.2010
9.05.2010
JOKE/RIDDLE
This is a joke/riddle I put to Chest Jowdy last night:
Q: What do you call three men named Jonathan sitting at a table?
A: I don't know, they're your friends.
Thank you and good night.
Q: What do you call three men named Jonathan sitting at a table?
A: I don't know, they're your friends.
Thank you and good night.
8.31.2010
TICKA TIC TOC MY GOLDEN HEN, LAYING EGGS FOR THE GENTLEMEN, SOMETIMES 9 & SOMETIMES 10. AND WHENEVER SHE LAY LORD, SHE MAKE AN ALARM, COCK-COCKA-LEO!
HELLO.
Here are some images from the second half of part 4 of my comic as well as images from part 5,
thank you.
Here are some images from the second half of part 4 of my comic as well as images from part 5,
thank you.
8.26.2010
THE SECRET GENEALOGY OF THE BOSS PART I
THE SECRET GENEALOGY OF "THE BOSS":
Transmission of the Cursed Blood in the Ancient World; From Adam:
Adam Ruhani -(pre-curse)-> Homo Habilis -(half-curse)-> Cain -(full curse)-> Patient Zero -(identity unknown, attacked under a naked, black tree)-> The Hunter, Gracchus-(the curse came alive in his blood when he was struck down by the gods for hunting a sacred bird. Alive, in his coffin he still navigates the waterways of the underworld)-> Frinklaan Malone -(deceased and then reborn, building collectible antiques and buying them centuries later)-> a nameless ape -(left-handed, likes: The colors brown and red, fucking, killing. Dislikes: Light, the seasons, clouds, the sun, unblemished skin.)-> Gilgamesh I -(after he played a drum solo on the bones of Enkidu, while crying in seamstress's house, over a crack in the floor which lead directly to the netherworld)-> Puru-ravas Aila I -(Smiling as he dipped his hand in salt and then slapped his grandfather to death)-> Nimrod -(caught the bad gene from his mother, not by birth but later when he had sex with her)-> Laomedon --> Jade Emperor of Yu Huang -(when he buried a gaggle of children up to their necks in his courtyard and and ate a banquet in front of them, and later, when he washed his hands with vinegar)-> Sargon I of Akkad -(the curse was awakened in his blood when he took a shit on his astrolabe and then ate the flesh of a woman)-> Emperor Qin Shi Huang -(Attacked at age 49, awoke covered in blood surrounded by his terracotta army, now with a stutter in his heart and fangs)-> Dangun Wanggeom's bastard son by a women with a tattoo-(His blood boiling as he kicked a horse to death at a country fair)-> Abydos II-(Attacked while dancing in the shadow of a cracked boulder)-> Royal Shoemaker for Emperor Jimmu -(the curse awoke in him when the three-legged crow pecked out his left eye, while the Emperor laughed and spanked a consort with his longbow)->Ham -(In anger as he stood on a barren beach and thought about his father drunkenly brushing a giraffe)-> Lestek I -(Attacked by his wife while he was asleep, dreaming about a big fish eating a little fish)-> Kashekhemwy -(Inside a stone crypt thinking about loud music in the cold silence)-> King Parahu's Nameless Son-(in a cloud of incense, shut up in a crypt made of mud and stone, listening to the drums outside)-> Clodion de Chevelu-(Shut up in a crypt, trying to cut his hair with blunt rocks)-> Acestorides -(with eyes half closed, watching his banished enemy becoming a speck on the horizon, furiously masturbating)-> Simeon I of Bulgaria -(on the toilet, or, what passed for a toilet back then)-> Pepin the Hunchback -(In the doorway of a monastery, his hands becoming claws)-> Frederick I Barbarossa -(from birth)-> Charles IV --> Tewodros -(after a battle pulling the teeth out of the enemy corpses, he pricked his finger on a fang) -> Pipo of Ozora -(In a ceremony for the Order of the Dragon, where he made love to a masked woman and then was showered with cattle guts)-> THE BOSS
NOTE: Though The Boss' initials are "VD", the curse is in no way a venereal disease
Transmission of the Cursed Blood in the Ancient World; From Adam:
Adam Ruhani -(pre-curse)-> Homo Habilis -(half-curse)-> Cain -(full curse)-> Patient Zero -(identity unknown, attacked under a naked, black tree)-> The Hunter, Gracchus-(the curse came alive in his blood when he was struck down by the gods for hunting a sacred bird. Alive, in his coffin he still navigates the waterways of the underworld)-> Frinklaan Malone -(deceased and then reborn, building collectible antiques and buying them centuries later)-> a nameless ape -(left-handed, likes: The colors brown and red, fucking, killing. Dislikes: Light, the seasons, clouds, the sun, unblemished skin.)-> Gilgamesh I -(after he played a drum solo on the bones of Enkidu, while crying in seamstress's house, over a crack in the floor which lead directly to the netherworld)-> Puru-ravas Aila I -(Smiling as he dipped his hand in salt and then slapped his grandfather to death)-> Nimrod -(caught the bad gene from his mother, not by birth but later when he had sex with her)-> Laomedon --> Jade Emperor of Yu Huang -(when he buried a gaggle of children up to their necks in his courtyard and and ate a banquet in front of them, and later, when he washed his hands with vinegar)-> Sargon I of Akkad -(the curse was awakened in his blood when he took a shit on his astrolabe and then ate the flesh of a woman)-> Emperor Qin Shi Huang -(Attacked at age 49, awoke covered in blood surrounded by his terracotta army, now with a stutter in his heart and fangs)-> Dangun Wanggeom's bastard son by a women with a tattoo-(His blood boiling as he kicked a horse to death at a country fair)-> Abydos II-(Attacked while dancing in the shadow of a cracked boulder)-> Royal Shoemaker for Emperor Jimmu -(the curse awoke in him when the three-legged crow pecked out his left eye, while the Emperor laughed and spanked a consort with his longbow)->Ham -(In anger as he stood on a barren beach and thought about his father drunkenly brushing a giraffe)-> Lestek I -(Attacked by his wife while he was asleep, dreaming about a big fish eating a little fish)-> Kashekhemwy -(Inside a stone crypt thinking about loud music in the cold silence)-> King Parahu's Nameless Son-(in a cloud of incense, shut up in a crypt made of mud and stone, listening to the drums outside)-> Clodion de Chevelu-(Shut up in a crypt, trying to cut his hair with blunt rocks)-> Acestorides -(with eyes half closed, watching his banished enemy becoming a speck on the horizon, furiously masturbating)-> Simeon I of Bulgaria -(on the toilet, or, what passed for a toilet back then)-> Pepin the Hunchback -(In the doorway of a monastery, his hands becoming claws)-> Frederick I Barbarossa -(from birth)-> Charles IV --> Tewodros -(after a battle pulling the teeth out of the enemy corpses, he pricked his finger on a fang) -> Pipo of Ozora -(In a ceremony for the Order of the Dragon, where he made love to a masked woman and then was showered with cattle guts)-> THE BOSS
NOTE: Though The Boss' initials are "VD", the curse is in no way a venereal disease
8.12.2010
7.18.2010
GENTLEMEN;
Has it really been a year..?
What the fuck. As bad as last year, less shocking though.
This is happening in the world you and I live in.
edit:
Joseph Bruce was the last born of three children. His father, Richard Bruce, stole all of the family's money and left when Bruce was two years old.[2] Joe's mother, Linda, was forced to care for him and his siblings, Robert and Theresa, off the income she made as a janitor. At age four, Joe and his brother caught a butterfly, and both were fascinated by the vibrant colors and overall peacefulness of the creature.[2] They kept the butterfly in a jar overnight, and intended to free it the following morning. When they awoke, the brothers found the butterfly had died, and felt as if they had committed a murder. The brothers made a vow that "one day, [they] will make it to heaven, so that [they] can [...] apologize to that Butterfly face-to-face."[2] On every Insane Clown Posse album and EP it reads "Dedicated to the Butterfly" because of this vow.
Found on Wikipedia
6.23.2010
PART 4: THE GLISTENING
This is part 4, parts of part 4. Part 4 is currently unfinished and I am working on it.
PS- The first panel in the second image references Henri Rousseau's "Black attacked by leopard," progenitor of quasi-racism playing in the blurred lines between genius and manchildism. That's right, I'm calling you and Daniel Johnston to the carpet.
(Just kidding I love Rousseau. And I don't think that picture is racist.)
WORKS PART 3: WONDERS CEASE
I may not know what I like nor do I know art but these are scenes from part 3, thank you for looking at scenes from part 3.
OLD NEW WORKS PT.2(PS THIS SHIT IS COPYRIGHT AND WHATNOT SO I WILL CHOKE YOU OUT)(AMERICA)(THE WHOLE WORLD)
Images from part 2 of "Golden Age 3056".
6.22.2010
NEW(OLD?) WORK
Here is a sampling of some images from the thing I am currently working on, a comic called "Golden Age"
This is all from part 1 and I am already on part 4 but I am just getting around to scanning it all.
It's new but also old considering I have been working on it for a long time. Old new.
Altneu.
I started working on it in the attic of the synagogue until I went haywire, scaring the very rabbi who created me.
He erased the aleph from my name and I fell apart, back into the dirt and religious texts from which I was made.
This is all from part 1 and I am already on part 4 but I am just getting around to scanning it all.
It's new but also old considering I have been working on it for a long time. Old new.
Altneu.
I started working on it in the attic of the synagogue until I went haywire, scaring the very rabbi who created me.
He erased the aleph from my name and I fell apart, back into the dirt and religious texts from which I was made.
6.14.2010
"FUCK Y'ALL™" C.1908
Amongst the evils of a penal colony is the society of those who form it; and if the reader is worthy of better company, he will need no words from me to remind him of what he has to put up with at present. If he has a soul above the common, or if he is a man of genius, he will occasionally feel like some noble prisoner of state, condemned to work in the galleys with common criminals; and he will follow his example and try to isolate himself.
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